Suicide Survivor

Many of us meet with moments that define us.  One of these moments for me was my mother’s suicide.

To be a suicide survivor is to survive the trauma of your loved one choosing death over life- but it feels like that person chose death over a life with you.  More than 10 years have passed since my mom’s death in July of 2006, and I still sometimes feel abandoned by her choice.  Even when I don’t, her loss is immeasurable to me.

Whether you are the mother, father, spouse, or child of a loved one who has committed suicide, please know that no one can tell you exactly how to process this trauma, and that there is no “right” way to heal.

Writing posts here was and occasionally still is an avenue of healing for me.  Perhaps you will find in my words some of your own feelings. Maybe you’ll comment, and together, we might offer one another strength and peace on our journeys.

7 comments

  1. I will forever feel connected to you here Jaime. You helped me through the death of my mom in ways no one else could have. Thanks for taking the time to be my friend.

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  2. For everyone else, Rebecca is a friend I met shortly after Mom died. She moved into my new ward right after me, and her mom died suddenly just a month or two after mine.

    I saught out Rebecca knowing how foggy and shocked I still was that first month. It’s nice of her to thank me, but I’m really just as thankful for her. The first year is the hardest, and she made it easier just by being around. I miss her now that she’s back in Utah, but I secretly feel like maybe she was just here for me when I needed a friend that knew about losing Moms.

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  3. Jamie,
    There is so much that I have wanted to say to you, and to your sister & brothers, but haven’t found the courage; I hope that someday I will.

    You are all stronger than you think. I must admit that after only 4 years since Grandma passed away, the anniversary wasn’t much easier for me. Sometimes I don’t honestly keep track, but when I start having a really bad week, and can’t figure out why, it hits me…it was only 4 years ago that my mom was still here; or that she “was taken” from us.

    I hope you know that we are always here for all of you, you are never alone in any stage of your grief. We feel the loss differently, but can all help one another.

    Love always,
    Aunt Rhonda

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  4. Janae:

    i know you don’t remember me but I am originally from Evanston. I lived in the same ward as your family and worked with your mom at JB’s. I have thought about your mom many times over the past few years but just learned about her suicide earlier today. I will always love her for the good, kind friend she was. I lost y mom to cancer 15 years ago and still miss her so much it hurts. I also lost an older sister to suicide seven years ago. That pain and hurt is still very much near the surface and runs very deep.

    Thank you.
    Marva J. Yapias

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. I pray you and your family find some comfort and peace in the year ahead. The ache does lessen over time…

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